Please don't say that ever again.

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Have you ever heard someone say something that makes you cringe and your left eye quiver from aversion?  I do often.  I keep a list.  I wouldn't be surprised if half of the things I write on this blog cause that same reaction in you.  I find so much satisfaction in this.  And here you are again so you must like it too.  
I heard one of these phrases yesterday at church.  In fact, a lot of the phrases on this list have come from many a Sundays sitting in a pew.  This has nothing to do with my like or dislike of church, just some of the idiosyncrasies that come with being the church-going type.  Also, in full disclosure, there are a lot of things on this list that absolutely didn't come from church - probably one of my disgusting or weird friends I would guess (and you know who you are).  So with that, I give you a segment I will call:


Please, I implore you, don't ever say any of these words or phrases again.

1) "With every fiber of my being"
2) "Blessing in disguise"
3) "Gird up your loins"
4) "In my heart of hearts"
5) "Just sayin"
6) amazeballs
7) moist
8) supple
9) panties
10) lactating
11) fetching

I am actually dry heaving into a napkin as I type this list....

Let's move on to something more important and less nostril flaring:

Mustaches.

Seeings how it is Mustache March, I have been noticing a lot more mustaches being sported here and there. This excites me.  I have been known to sport a mustache myself every now and then.

There is a new group that has been coming to the gym lately.  After talking to them I learned that they are the owners and staff from the Electric Run.  One fine gentleman in particular walked through the door the first day that I had seen them and I immediately pointed at him and laughed really loud.  He had an insanely substantial mustache that I was absolutely sure was fake.  Obviously he was wearing it so that I would point and laugh.  Wrong.  It is mustache march and that baby was the real deal.  This made me like him even more.  I had to get a picture with him.

Tommy has been know to dabble in the mustache world.  That boy has been growing facial hair since he was in little league.  His office recently had lumberjack day (don't ask me what this is or why).  I think they basically grew out their beards for a week or two and ate waffles.  All he has to do is hold his breath and squeeze and tree trunk sized hairs rip through his facial skin.  All man baby.  My favorite part of his beard growing season is the game he likes to play whilst shaving off said beard.  I like to call it "how many disgusting mustaches can you trim out of one shaving to ensure that your wife squirms with uncomfortableness."



I love to hate the mustache.  
 

4 comments:

  1. The StoreysMarch 12, 2013 at 8:27 AM

    I know that guy!! I'm friends with his wife on instagram! He always has a sweet beard or mustache.

    ReplyDelete
  2. JennaMarch 12, 2013 at 1:48 PM

    Well, I know which ones come from church, and amazeballs is the worst- except for 'grin and bear it.' In my opinion. Did I already tell you that I find your words deeply therapeutic?

    ReplyDelete
  3. KenzieMarch 16, 2013 at 5:57 PM

    Gah! "Grin and bear it" most definitely needs to be on the list. Added. And you know I think so highly of you, I am honored by the compliment!

    ReplyDelete
  4. KariMarch 17, 2013 at 2:47 PM

    My favorite: "Webster defines ______ as...". Ugg, I could stab myself in the eye when talks start like that.

    ReplyDelete

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